Magickal Journal Volume 02: Grateful Farewell to Writing in it, Grateful Welcome to the Shift to a Tool of Reflection

Jan 10

Yesterday I ended the writing for MJ Volume 02.

This post shall act as both reflection on my journey through that volume as well as a grateful farewell to the writing in it while welcoming it as a new tool of reflection and lessons to be learned going forward.

Volume 02 starts out with an unfinished sketch of the crest presented in the Grimoire for the Apprentice Wizard (Zell, 2004) that I just couldn’t bring myself to complete. That page has haunted me through this whole experience, but I could not understand why I never finished that page until I finished the book.

During the course of my life that this volume holds, my education took a back seat. Became a supporting character rather than a full focus. This volume contains a lot of my struggles to understand myself, habits that weren’t so good for me, and as well as my struggle to accept that I do deserve peace and stability in my home structure.

Things that I thought were safe and constant started to be stripped away. I truly felt like I was descending into the underworld though when I was going through it I tried to fight to avoid that very thing. I spent a lot of time wondering what was wrong with me. What did I do to deserve all this bad luck?

Yes, I was being buried but not as a punishment.

I had to descend into the darkness of my life and myself to truly learn what I’m about and what is important to me. There was necessary healing to do for me that was hard to accept at first. I tried to avoid the pain. Avoid the change. I tried to stay in a location that was encouraging my worst impulses as well as keeping me sick.

While being buried and bombarded with things I needed to shift, I tried to keep learning more skills. I did more work with my hands. I spent days sanding my walking stick to a velvet touch while reinforcing it with wood working and repairing knowledge that I was acquiring. I remember working that sandpaper on each section letting the work settle into my bones.

The work on my walking stick slowed me down during a time when I didn’t feel like I had the time to even breathe let alone sand some wood. That repetition and slowness taught me a lot of what would carry me forward through this dark time.

I learned that I could actually choose what to put my focus toward. I previously thought I had to take in all information from every source at all times. Or that I didn’t have a choice when something terrible comes across my social media feed.

Instead of being more online, I spent more time in the woods. I spent more time in communion with spirits of the land. Got to know some of the local flora and fauna while watching them go through their seasonal cycles.

I eventually started to let go of control over the things that I didn’t have control over anyway.

Though this was extremely difficult with the anxiety being a monster in the background, I made a concerted effort to trust in the Universe’s Divine timing of it all.

I essentially became okay with being buried in the darkness. I let myself rest more often. Sure, things were still terrible in many ways, but I at least made more conscious choices on how I react as well as how I handle my responsibilities than just letting life happen to me however.

There comes a point, in about the last quarter of Volume 02, where I told the Universe what I needed. I needed safety, peace, quiet, nature, and support so I can do the Work that I am meant to do. I sent out that request then went back to focusing on what I could do to make things better in the interim.

Eventually, the opportunity came and I said yes immediately.

I have so much gratitude and joy in my heart for this home. It has everything I asked for, even in terms of requests and desires outside of my initial home request. I’m so grateful to our roommate, for this area being so aligned with my own values, I’m grateful to my spirit helpers, my Holy Guardian Angel, and certainly so grateful to St. Expedite who had a large hand in helping us be in the right places and situations to gather the resources necessary for the move itself.

In this new home, I started to heal. I naturally wake up early and bed early. It’s a wonderful feeling to be able to feel each hour of the day when I had previously disassociated through time for most of my life.

This Volume ends with some Root Chakra work.

What a wonderful way to set up a firm foundation for Magickal Journal Volume 03.

When a Magickal Journal volume is done being written in it doesn’t just go on a shelf to never be opened or read again.

These go from tools of the current moment to tools of deep reflection and lessons that can be learned. It’s a great thing to do that even while you’re working on a volume as you never know when a bit of wisdom from a past entry will come into play. These books become allies to our own development during the creation of them as well as years later when the last page was written on.

Thank you so much, MJ Volume 02. May the lessons you have for me be found when they are needed…